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Patrick @MyNameIsPat

15, Male

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coolsville U

funky town

Joined on 12/23/20

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i am so powerful

Posted by MyNameIsPat - January 17th, 2021


i am exerting nothing but sheer raw power in the murder of this piñata. today was the day we celebrated my younger brother's birthday and, as usual, we had a piñata. also as usual, i was last because i'm the oldest and obviously i don't wanna take the delight of popping open a piñata away from some kids unless they needed some help. small aside, no i didn't choose the "rainbow poop emoji" piñata but it's funny to laugh at. anyways, after this beaten sack of sweet was abused by roughly 6 or 7 other children i was up and usually i'm expected to pop these. i was granted one hit and god dammit did i put everything i had into that hit. nothing i've ever done before i've felt the same was as i did in those fleeting moments. i was full of raw fury, power, and a desire to destroy some cardboard. i had integrated every single swordsman technique i've ever learnt from all those hours of watching anime and playing... i dunno, Zelda? and in the end, i managed to take this godforsaken heap of compressed paper down in one powerful swing

in conclusion, i am the most powerful swordsman that has ever graced this planet.



Comments (1)

I'm so proud of you! The way you asserted your dominance over that cringe effigy tells me that you're becoming powerful just as I had hoped! But, you still got a long ways to go if you are ever to face me in battle. You'll need more than swordsmanship to make it past my god-like physique. (What kind of God? Well, geez, I don't know, man... That's kind of a personal question...) Now, I've seen many a master of this and that. But they've all been felled by my chosen way. For you see, I am a master of Rambampullin'. It's the art of talking excessively while beating someone up. Your opponent gets hooked on every word and fist. So much so that they struggle to bring the fight to a close. It goes without saying that it's mostly used to subdue old women on planes. I'm going to hear about your grandkids? No! You're going to hear about my grandkids and what I think they might be like one day! (Fun fact: I really did out ramble an old woman on a plane once. I'll never forget the look of fear in her eyes when she realized who she was dealing with.) Sadly all Rambampullin' Masters die the same way. Tetanus. They develop lockjaw, leaving them unable to speak and eventually explode from all the words unspoken. A sad fate, to be sure, but one I will avoid. Because I'm not dumb, and I got vaccinated for that a long time ago. Apparently, that makes me some sort of "radical thinker" or whatever. "Oh, Look at this guy! Doesn't want to die of tetanus, like all the greats!" I know we all took a vow never to wear shoes again, but I refuse to die from something stupid like tetanus. The Rambampullin' scene is getting smaller each year, I swear.

Anyway, should you manage to defeat me, all of my possessions will become yours, including my younger brother, who I look after. Ah yes, after my defeat, you will know what it's like to have an overgrown lumbering doofus barging into your room at any given hour, who will say things like "Hey, I messed up the car again can I borrow some money?" and "I spent all my money on beer and accidentally overdrew. Can I borrow some money and some of the stuff you made for dinner tonight?" or even "You know those nice drinking glasses you put in a safe place so I wouldn't break them on accident?" Indeed, this must be one of those "joys of life" people are always talking about. And you too will know of those joys. The fact that you yourself are an older sibling will make this easier, I'm sure.

Also, looking at those pictures, I couldn't help but notice that your lawn is broken. Not all covered in white stuff like mine is. You might want to go into the basement and check your settings. Or perhaps this is a sign of your condition getting worse. Meaning this could simply be a Nocember thing.